I’ve been bouncing around the world recently, figuratively and literally – right now, I feel life has one refrain… “I’ll get to that later.” Truly, I’ve always been a last-minute kinda girl, so I don’t know if it’s age or travel fatigue or what, but I’m tried. And I’m frustrated.

My daily “I’ll do it later” list:

• Saying my prayers – I’ll try again tomorrow.
• Working on passion projects – I’ll get to them when I have time.
• Unpacking boxes from my move – I’ll do that when I’m home next.
• Hanging up clothes out of my suitcases – I’ll need them when I travel next.
• Making appointments for a plumber and an electrician – I’ll call when I’m more available.

In all this flux and frustration, I’m feel like I’m losing it. Losing track of time. Losing bits of ideas. Losing ground. Losing progress. But, a wise friend once told me, “when you lose in life, don’t lose>

Over the past couple of years, I feel like I’ve taken some loses (in a non-dramatic way) – friends, relationships, opportunities. Some seasons are like that. Maybe my feelings about these loses are also still packed and put away for when I have more time to deal with them. Another example of, “I’ll get to that later.” With boxes scattered around the house, who knows what’s inside them anymore honestly.

I need a clear space to breathe, where my thoughts and creativity feel safe to come out, but I can’t make myself do anything about it. Dad says, “shoot the closest alligator first” – a real Southern-ism – but I feel like all I’m doing right now is keeping the gators at bay. I’m not making progress to get out of the swamp.

I feel like all I’m doing right now is keeping the gators at bay.
I’m not making progress to get out of the swamp.

Then, God, in his infinite wisdom, gave me inspiration to write this blog post. I had no idea what to say when I sat down. Yet, here we are, mid-mindset shift. I see these alligators as logismoi, which I’ve written about before. I first came across this term two decades ago in The Mountain of Silence by Kyriacos Markides. The book shows readers the true impact of intrusive thoughts and how silence isn’t just quiet; it’s inner stillness and freedom from mental noise. These current logismoi tell me: do it later, it’s won’t work, it’s too hard, rest now, tomorrow is a good time to start, you don’t have the resources, don’t take the risk.

In writing about all of this, I realize somewhere along the way I gave away a bit of grit and will power. My good ole American stick-to-itiveness must have gotten held up at customs. Everything seems hard, therefore I can do nothing.

Galations 6:9 says, “At the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up.” Thank God for today’s revelation! If I’m being honest, I didn’t know how much longer I could make it in this frustration-fueled state. In the book, Markides outlines how these thoughts go from mere suggestion to a controlling habit.

• Assault: An external thought enters the mind.
• Interaction: The mind begins to reason with or entertain the thought.
• Consent: The individual decides to act on the thought.
• Captivity: The thought becomes a repeated action or habit.
• Passion: The behavior becomes an entrenched, destructive part of one’s personality.

Markides points out that while logismoi may feel like heavy chains, they only have as much power as you give them through your attention. [Cue the choir of angels.] Today, I was reminded very clearly and gently where I need to (and can) do better. All this time I’ve been holding myself captive in an alligator-guarded (logismoi-laden) prison of my own making. But, what I realized today is, I can make the gators go away.

I don’t have to give into to the idea that things are too hard. Or that I won’t have great successes. Or that tomorrow is the best time to start. Or that all decisions are permanent. (I recently listened to an interview about the hats, haircuts and tattoos framework – very helpful!)

All around me, I’m inspired by friends and family who are going after their dreams. It’s these beautiful souls who lovingly and bravely wade into the alligator-infested waters of my mind to help pull me out. They come over to help me unpack. They go with me to the store to pick out furniture. They listen to my 654 business idea with eagerness and unwavering support. They hold me accountable to the things I say I want to accomplish. God bless them!

I hoped writing about this would help, and it has. Sometimes, silence comes from putting away clean clothes, strolling the aisles at IKEA, talking with loved ones or writing words on a page. I can’t promise I’ll unpack all the boxes tomorrow (sorry, y’all), but for sure I’m already thinking differently about the task and how I approach it.